A lot has happened in the last couple of months. Some good. Mostly bad. I can’t share very much of it, but what I can, I will.
First and foremost, I’m building an exoskeleton for my mind.
Turns out, I need to do this because I’ve got a brain leak. My therapist suggested we look at adult ADHD last week. I’ve been doing that all week and the results — while not official yet — seem pretty conclusive. I think it might be good news.
Something happened when I became a full time writer. Something good and something bad.
The good thing was that I didn’t have to worry about a day job any longer. After wrestling my publication rights back from the publisher, I had the whole thing in my lap to do with as I needed. I could crank out the new work without worrying about whether or not the publisher was going to mess it up. Everything was supposed to be great!
The bad thing was I lost something that I didn’t know I needed — structure. When I didn’t have the pressure from a day job keeping me moving — keeping me focused on my writing in those few moments in the day that I could beg, borrow, or steal, I didn’t write. I was barely able to work at all. That structure kept me focused, kept me moving. It was the glass that kept the water in my tank. Without it, the water just flowed away leaving dead fish and bits of plant life in its wake.
My initial reaction was “Oh, no. I’ve got to get a schedule? Make to-do lists? Didn’t I leave that all behind? I’m an artist! That sounds horrible. When do I get some time for me?”
The reality is that I know that schedules and to-do lists and status updates work for me. At the beginning of the year, I was working on one. For the first three months of 2014, I was cranking!
Then I had a kid in the hospital, twice. Lost my recharging trip to BaltiCon for the second year in a row. Fell into a crippling depression of my own. My wife went on long term disability and then she went into the hospital for a week.
My world crumbled around me and I stopped using the tools that worked. It just didn’t seem worth the effort. The depression convinced me that there was really no point.
I’ve been digging my way up since August. September was iffy, but I got stronger as the month went along. When my therapist suggested ADHD, I think I was ready to hear it.
So I’m building an exoskeleton for my mind. With a calendar synced to my phone, with To-do lists linked to the calendar, and with a daily and weekly schedule that recognizes the strength in a good plan and the need to plan for the down time I need to recover, I think the rest of this year is going to be spectacular.
Just this week, I’ve gotten the galley proofs for Double Share shipped to me and have almost finished the conversion of Captain’s Share. Owner’s Share is on deck for next week and so is publishing South Coast in ebook by the end of the month.
I have a plan. I have some tools. I have learned a lot about what works — and what doesn’t.
Second, I need to stay with it. The exoskeleton won’t give me much support if I don’t keep it on. It’s like wearing glasses. I can see a lot better as long as I wear them.
Third, it’s my birthday. My gift to myself is one you’ll all get to enjoy – a renewed commitment to getting this old work off the desk and getting some new work in the pipeline.
Stay tuned. This could get fun.
I have seen pretty good results in people who have ADHD and take medication for it. They really are able to focus after the medication. As for structure, some people really need it while others can provide their own. Me, I need the structure, even if I was self employed I would probably have to work outside the home is a tiny rented office to help me focus.
Good luck, love your books.
Happy birthday, Capt’n !
I have a good friend with severe ADHD. She too has developed an exoskeleton- including when she was in an office job, keeping a detailed log of everything that came in to her desk, phone calls, and went out. That log came in very handy when the company was involved in a court case – When the company lawyers saw the logs, they stopped deposing people, dropped the pile of logs in front of the opposition which promptly caved. So there can be unexpected advantages that come with the hassle.
Best of luck with the mental restructuring, and I hope that the rest of the year continues to improve.
Happy birthday!
When I got 6 weeks off at college to finish my bachelor paper, I immidiately accepted a fulltime temp-job as a subteacher, thus managing to crank out the needed pages. Coping however we can:) Happy b, keep coping!
Happy birthday, Captain!
Thanks for being so real! We are all rooting for you. And Happy Birthday!!!
Foremost, Happy Birthday!
Secondarily, because your challenges echos similarity to my own struggles in certain ways (except that Emmert’s Law says mine seem bigger!), and I really do appreciate hearing about yours. Suffice to say this summer passed that was supposed to be full of personally rewarding accomplishments: wasn’t.
The tool I have found especially useful is collaboration. Having other people engaged in the same project often pulls me through the crippling doubt, boredom, and distraction that is often the death of my endeavors. But it is a double edged blade since I always need to remind myself: “Regardless of others you are SOLELY responsible for the outcome of this.”
Maybe that helps you. Maybe not. But good luck and above all, thank you for sharing.
-Dt
Happy Birthday Captain:
I second the idea- a team to delegate drudgery. At least a major-domo who answers phones, while you follow your action plan. Since everyone handles deadlines differently, sometimes gentle nagging is necessary- that is why I hire help for some tasks. We hope your efforts bear fruit.
Recently, we listened to Solar Clipper again- and marveled at your descriptions of ships, new planets and loves in Ishmael’s life. It still moves us deeply. Thank you.
We all need to find the path that leads us to our goal. I am glad you have found yours. You and your family are in our prayers. Treat yourself to something nice for your birthday! You only get one of each.
Happy Birthday Mr. Lowell. Thanks for your wonderful podcasts, best wishes with your journey.
Happy Birthday and best wishes for the year ahead. Your books have given and continue to give me a lot of pleasure and I look forward to more tales of old and new friends.
A rather belated Happy Birthday. I hope the next year is going to be better for you and your family.
Struggling myself with depression. The walking helps. Keep at it with me.
I recently had the same diagnosis, I’ve found that the medication (adderall or amphetamine salts) allows me to focus on a SINGLE task until it’s completion. I’m still a poor multitasker, but I don’t feel the almost defeating level of stress that seeing a lot of work to be done usually brings. Take that for what it’s worth, it helps most of the time but it’s not a perfect cure.
Get Better Nathan! Its funny how sometimes you need structure to make it work, and get back into a familiar mindset. Happy Birthday!
Belated happy birthday,
I certainly understand how you feel about structure. Without imposing some of it on myself, I too can find life an amorphous depressing blob. At such times I always imagined you cleaning your coffee machine and,perfecting your coffee. I hope the next year brings you good things. I have really loved all your books, most especially the solar clipper series. I can’t help noting that Ishmael seemed at his happiest when he had a tight schedule so perhaps you can emulate him.
Happy Birthday Capt’n, wishing you the best.
Here’s to things getting better for you in the coming days. I have to say that I have enjoyed these books since a friend introduced them to me on podiobooks just after full share was released I think. Since then I have waited anxiously for new books and listened to the entire series at least 3 times a year. I am about to finish up with Owner’s Share and it always leaves me wanting more. I typically have to wait a few days before listening to any other books to get over it.
Happy belated birthday and I made a donation today to you on podiobooks.com. I really appreciate your stories and the joy I find in listening to them over and over. I have “read” your books more than any other author I have ever read. That is including Heinlein, Frank Herbert and Jim Butcher. Keep at it and I will keep listening to these until there is something new to devour.
I listen to Cory Doctorow’s podcast and he often talks about writing. I think he says he does 2000 words a day and always tries to stop writing at a point where he knows what he wants to write next so that when he returns he can just plow straight into it. He uses a versioning system too:
“I’ve written here before about Flashbake, the version-tracking program that Thomas Gideon created—it saves a snapshot of all my writing work every 15 minutes, along with the last three songs I’ve played, the last three posts I put on Boing Boing, my current location and timezone, and a few other environmental factors.”
http://craphound.com/context/Cory_Doctorow_-_Context.xhtml
He’s a productive writer who also manages to hit the road and speak at many events so there must be something to it (whether you like his work or not).
I hope you sort it all out Nathan. I’m looking forward to more podcasts.
Oy! Tough year! I hope that the rest of your family is doing a bit better. And a happy, belated birthday!
Here’s wishing you a Happy Birthday, Skipper! So sorry to learn of the set backs you have endured. My study of English Literature years ago seemed to suggest that the best authors were those who had learned to suffer well. Godspeed.
Good to see you have a handle on it and getting back on point. Happy Birthday Nathan
I apologize for my weird sense of humor, and any lack of eloquence on my part… I don’t normally post on peoples’ blogs, but you (unwittingly) helped me, perhaps I can return the service.
I am not going to go into great detail; suffice it to say that I am something of a “type A” in a potentially very dangerous line of work where distraction is the enemy. I was overwhelmed, and it was starting to take a toll.
I found something that helps me keep going… It resonated with something my grandmother used to say, and this struck me on a very strange (in my mind) level… It keeps me on track, and helps maintain calm. Oddly, I Got it out of one of your books:
“Do You know how to eat an elephant?”
Tai chi helps a lot too… Also inspired by your books… I never would have looked at it, except I heard about it in a podiobook once and got bit by the curiosity bug. How weird is that? 🙂
Blood pressure and cholesterol both down from the bad side of borderline to safely within normal range in just one year, and I am no longer on the verge of running screaming for the hills.
Oh yeah you might want to know what Grandma said:
“You should chew each bite at least 20 times.”
You make a difference.
We’re glad to hear that your getting your legs back under you. I hope you r birthday was good.
Sorry I lost track of you for a bit.I’m a fellow ADHD traveler. My son and I were diagnosed the same day, it was a bonding moment.
Anyway I found med’s helped some, caffeine helps for some people when I can stomach the taste of coffee I find it helps. We are still learning about ADHD. One theory of ADHD is the brain is not getting enough stimulation so it panics which leads to the loss of focus and, in some, hyperactivity. I like the idea of “an exoskeleton” however that will only work when one can put EVERYTHING in the calendar.
Depression visits us ADHDers frequently. The stress of dealing with ADHD plus the life events you described I’m not at all surprised you experienced depression. All I have to offer is as one who has been there it gets better.
Thanks for your stories. Take care of yourself and your family.